Rainy weather con't

I took 6 years off from college. Sometimes I feel like that time was a complete waste. I was not emotionally ready for college and was not interested in learning inside a classroom. I went through one of the scariest experiences of my life during the summer before my senior year of h.s. All I wanted was to find serenity and peace. I escaped to the Southern Appalachians and allowed the mountains to heal my wounds. Then to the Andirondacks to challenge myself with snow and cold. I loved being in wilderness. What did this seclusion 'cost' me? How many experiences did I miss out on? How many waves broke that I should have been riding or how many beautiful people did I miss meeting.? How much love and intimacy did I trade for solitude? Why do I get so depressed thinking about this? Why was I so scared? I did learn all about myself. I am a slave to my passions and I will always yield to my hearts dsires. Most folks go to college and party away this time. I would have been so unhappy if I was in college then. I want so much from this life. I will never be 'completely' content and I have made a promise to myself to always fight for my happiness and for a LIVEable world. so many thoughts....