Rainy weather con't

I took 6 years off from college. Sometimes I feel like that time was a complete waste. I was not emotionally ready for college and was not interested in learning inside a classroom. I went through one of the scariest experiences of my life during the summer before my senior year of h.s. All I wanted was to find serenity and peace. I escaped to the Southern Appalachians and allowed the mountains to heal my wounds. Then to the Andirondacks to challenge myself with snow and cold. I loved being in wilderness. What did this seclusion 'cost' me? How many experiences did I miss out on? How many waves broke that I should have been riding or how many beautiful people did I miss meeting.? How much love and intimacy did I trade for solitude? Why do I get so depressed thinking about this? Why was I so scared? I did learn all about myself. I am a slave to my passions and I will always yield to my hearts dsires. Most folks go to college and party away this time. I would have been so unhappy if I was in college then. I want so much from this life. I will never be 'completely' content and I have made a promise to myself to always fight for my happiness and for a LIVEable world. so many thoughts....

Rainy weather

I probably should be working on one of the many assignments that I have. For some reason every sunday I am overwhelmed with a wave of depression. It has always been like this. Even during my hiatus from College. I reflect on my past a lot and rainy sunday mornings are a good time for this. I wish i did not occupy my mind with things that once were, it can be defeating in so many ways. There is something about the 'past' that I am sensitive to. Either it be my past or someone who I am close too (significant other). This must have something to do with feeling a sense of disconnection from the experience or from that time in someones life. ugh. what am i complaining about? I am so lucky and have seen so much beauty in these past 24 years.
I wish I could have shared all of it with you!
My heart is heavy, I need to either go surfing, hang out with a dog, or a hug from my love.....

Me.

I probably should have made a blog years ago when my heart was filled with so much sorrow and angst that I could have filled a valley with my tears and screams. Do not get me wrong, I still am incredibly sensitive and acutely empathetic to the world around me. I find myself contemplating my relationship with this culture on a daily basis and I figured a blog would be a perfect platform to explore my thoughts. I love to write and now that I am back in school I have the opportunity too consistently. I hope this blog does not become a portal for procrastination. I doubt it. It is 12:48am and I am half drunk. I plan on free writing this blog with absolutely zero edits. So here goes.

I am a 24 year old wildlife conservation biology major at the University of Rhode Island. It is interesting to me to consider the path that I took that eventually led back to the ivory towers. I love academia. absolutely love it. My thirst for knowledge is similar to the need that I feel before I develop a connection with the bioregion that I am living in. Except this thirst is consistent and chronic and does not go away once I learn the flora and fauna of an area. I am driven by adventure, intense passion, and knowledge.  For the first time in a very long time I feel content with my life and the route that I took to get to where I am at now. I can feel the wind blowing on my face.